You know what's a good idea for a dating story? "Five Ways To Sneakily Get Your Girls Wasted." Why? Because as ladymags teach us, numbers in headlines sell, and as the Internet teaches us, douchebaggery will get you clicks.
Especially when you can belatedly proclaim a piece satire, which it's not at all clear this is.
The piece ran on Datingish, a "blogging community" that appears to have some editorial oversight, though clearly not enough. From the lead-in:
We all know that ladies are more fun when they're drunk. They curse more, laugh more, and are more receptive to fondling.
So of course we bros want to get our dates as intoxicated as possible, without going too far. Because dragging a blackout drunk girl up the stairs is sketchy, but giving a piggy-back ride to the bedroom while your gal squeals with delight is the bomb.
How refined of the pseudonymous author to have such distinctions! Laws on consent and intoxication vary by state, but we're pretty sure none of them operate on the piggyback-stair-dragging continuum.
The tips include fizzy drinks, withholding food, and demanding a handstand. That last one impresses with its sheer creativity! In any case, this commenter got it right:
Five Ways To Sneakily Get Your Girl Wasted [Datingish]
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