Last night was the VMAs, an event where famous musicians go to look bored and embarrassed and then collect statues of astronauts. As for the fashion, there was a vast amount of exposed skin (thigh slits! plunging necklines! see-through everything! Miley Cyrus's tongue sticking out of her mouth and waggling all over the place!), quite a few Statement Outfits, and a lot of "a lot going on." Let's take a look.
Taylor Swift's look is all glamour and — more importantly — drama, which is quite in keeping with her behavior within the award show (SHUT THE F UP, HARRY STYLES, BUT THANKS FOR THE MOONMAN). Her very plunging Herve Leger gown complimented her Old Hollywood hair perfectly.
Selena Gomez's Atelier Versace dress is all business on one side, party on the other — half floor-length, long-sleeved gown and half "10 inches of fabric held together with hooks." She looks great: at once sophisticated and edgy (but the huge earrings are kind of overkill).
The best part about Katy Perry's grills (and there is only one best part) is that, when she smiles sincerely, it looks like she's wearing braces. As for her three dimensional golden butterflies meets leopard pelt dress-concept, the length is a bit unflattering — maybe it would have been better if she'd just gone all in and worn a floor-length version, like Coco Rocha at the Met Gala?
I don't know if you guys noticed last night, but Miley Cyrus has a tongue. Here she is showing it off in some bedazzled yoga pants. I appreciate the thought behind the Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century buns as an innovative method of dealing with short hair, but they still look ridiculous.
Let's start off with the good. Looking lovely in lace: Ciara looks absolutely flawless in Givenchy, Iggy Azalea strikes a pose in Pucci, and Allison Williams plays it a little safer by including an expanse of actual opaque fabric in her ensemble.
Rita Ora looks absolutely stunning in a jewel-encrusted, very low-cut gown with a massive feathered train (there's a lot going on here, but I think she pulls it off). She keeps it wisely simple on the hair and makeup front.
A bit more casual, Ariana Grande clings onto her Disney innocence in a floral minidress; Jennifer Hudson looks insanely stylish in houndstooth and a leather peplum, and Shailene Woodley wears a crop top and a patterned skirt lovingly crafted by forest animals to prepare her for the annual Music Video Ball (just kidding, it's Pucci).
A newly short-haired Coco Rocha looks effortlessly cool in her formal leathers; Naya Rivera channels her inner sorceress, and Ellie Goulding intimidates in a studded gown with thigh-high slit.
And now, the men: Darren Criss all poised in plum, Will Smith in all black, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt wearing a suit my dad would wear, probably.
Trying way less hard, we have Vampire Weekend ("hello everyone; welcome to Brooklyn" - the Vampy Weeks), Drake just chilling in a t-shirt, and Riff Raff matching his beige shawl to his beige pants and his hot pink shoes to nothing.
Couples! Daft Punk looking like two fully-grown men in robot masks and skinny ties, Willow and Jaden Smith being cooler than you could ever hope to be, and Macklemore and Trica Davis. Macklemore is wearing what looks like the pelt of a possum over a mint-green suit. Ladies, behold: the star of the best hip-hop video of the year.
Who wore it better: Grimes or 2 Chainz?
And now, the bad: MTV Teen Wolf's Holland Roden dons the unholy spawn of a gown and a pantsuit, Sarah Hyland dons the unholy spawn of household drapes and a Princess Jasmine Halloween costume, and Ashanti's dress is all kinds of meh.
Images via Getty.