Cardi B Using a White Man As a Table, and Other Important Moments from the 'Up' Video

Illustration for article titled Cardi B Using a White Man As a Table, and Other Important Moments from the 'Up' Video
Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

Cardi B’s new track, “Up,” is fine. Really! It’s fine. Does it sound like it was made to become a new TikTok challenge? Yes, and even the retro, Eazy E-inspired flow Cardi uses can’t change that. The song has its moments, notably “if that nigga had a twin, I would let ‘em run a train” (sure!) and “if it ain’t no ring on my finger, you ain’t going on my gram” (I’m absolutely going to start using this against my boyfriend... kidding... kind of). It’s no “WAP,” Cardi B’s last single that became an immediate classic, partially due to the unnecessary controversy it garnered. But it’s fine!

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The music video, on the other hand, is a delight.

From twerking in a New Orleans style cemetery to rocking a headdress of dead doll heads and tonguing random women in the covid-19 era, Cardi B makes a myriad of interesting choices in this video that culminate into a true feast for the eyes.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

Peep the detail:

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

And from the front. Definitely a hot mistress showing up to the funeral look.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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And here we have a lil’ Marilyn Monroe, but it honestly reminds me of the ending of Grease.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

But it was this wig of severed doll heads that really won me over. I have two questions: One, Are creepy dolls having a moment? Two, where can I cop this? Lemme pull out my hot glue gun and get to work.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Are they supposed to be pearls in a clamshell now? The visuals here are all over the place but they’re pretty!

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Okay, we’ve got a product placement for a vibrator, so I’m going with, yes. Pearl, clitoris, etc. Hey, it beats the zillionth Beats headphones product placement. Also, these nails are incredible.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Dr. Fauci is shaking.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

He could not be reached for comment at this time.

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Image: Kevin Dietsch (Getty Images)
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I might have spoken too soon about the lack of Beats product placement.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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And here we have an amazing overhead shot, followed by Cardi B using a white man as a table. Happy Black History Month, everyone!

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

(Anyone else kind of obsessed with her clear vinyl outfit?)

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Dude Butt.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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And as we creep toward the end of the video, one of the best looks was saved for last. From the outfits to the set, this futuristic, chrome-laden look screams homage to TLC’s “No Scrubs” video.

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B

Details:

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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End scene!

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Screenshot: YouTube/Cardi B
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Final verdict? The lyrics are kind of mid, but the beat is hot and the chorus is admittedly already stuck in my head. Cardi looked incredible in the video, however, and I’m interested to see what TikTok trend emerges from all of this. It’s going to happen. Give it the weekend.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

DISCUSSION

bigenbob
Bigen Bob

There were a handful of bars that I enjoyed but overall, I don’t understand why this was released as a single. 

Just curious, how much does Cardi’s label pay G/O to write these articles?