Hide your kids, hide your wife, because New York's cannibal cop has been acquitted and his mother says he's looking for a good meal. No, she really did say that. Probably without irony.

The New York Times reports that Gilberto Valle, who, if you'll remember, was convicted for wanting to kidnap and eat women (NBD) has had his sentence reduced to "illegally accessing a police database" and is now thinking about practicing law so he can defend all the other people who are cruelly treated by the justice system for trying to find women to kill and eat for dinner. Valle believes that he can change how he's viewed by the public and refuses to be known as the Cannibal Cop any longer. (That's not how it works, but ok, give it the old college try.)

Despite the horrifying details that emerged during Valle's trial, he contends that he would never actually do the things he's been accused of and is sorry that he dragged his family, ex-wife and members of the community into the public eye. (And probably also sorry that his fantasies were detailed and plausible enough that they earned him a conviction.) (I hope.)

"I am incapable of violence, he said. "I would never do the things I talked about on the Internet." He added, "What I needed was help, not prosecution."

Valle's mother is happy to have her son, who was incarcerated for almost two years, back home and has stated that she's really looking forward to him going out and getting a bite to eat.

"He needs his freedom to go out to dinner," she [Elizabeth Valle] said. "He can have a nice dinner at a restaurant somewhere."


Prosecutors are already appealing the acquittal.

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