Moments ago, Anti-Mint Chip Lobbyist Ashley “Mint Chip Sucks” Reese tried to CANCEL Pringles in Jezebel Slack. Before any of us could catch our breaths from her unexpected and vicious assault on the beloved snack food, she bombarded us with a second, even more tragic cancellation: Skittles.
As many have already learned, through strife and conflict in the Jezebel Mint Chip Trenches, Ashley Reese is a gruesome opponent, resorting to all kinds of schemes and plots to cancel everyone’s favorite foods and flavors. But in my many skirmishes with her, I’ve collected valuable data to better aid in our crusade against her relentless onslaught, seen above.
Below is just a brief transcript of today’s battle zone. But in a rare first, footage was also captured just as the tides began to turn against her.
The Jezebel Chip and Skittle and Mint Alliance might have won this time, but the war is far from over. Who knows what cherished snack food might find itself in Ashley’s crosshairs next. When that day comes, I hope she at least remembers her defeat and knows that we will not be silent any longer. Snack foods of the world, rise up!!!!!!!!
Update, 09/01/2020: Ashley Reese refuses to admit DEFEAT!!!!