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Can Someone Help Cher?

Illustration for article titled Can Someone Help Cher?
Image: Sam Morris (Getty Images)

The United States Postal Service is in a free-fall and regular people are out here buying stamps to try to save it. Cher, a benevolent woman with some time on her hands, simply wants to help.

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Cher’s Twitter is the correct amount of unhinged and slightly batty, but in the best possible way. The woman loves an interrobang and also enjoys treating Twitter like it’s her own Notes app, scrawling down the sort of brain ephemera that most of us would keep to ourselves. This is how we ended up here: Cher wants to help the post office in any way she can.

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I’d love to know what happened that led up to this irritated tweet—maybe she asked around the house if anyone had a minute to spare, or maybe she just woke up, read the news, and screamed into the abyss, and found that the only thing that responded was the echo of her own voice. Regardless, it seems like no one is really prepared to help Cher with the post office at this very moment, including but not limited to, the post office itself.

I can’t imagine taking the call from Cher and telling her that she cannot help at the post office without a background check and fingerprints, but I also wonder what on earth it is she thinks she could do as a volunteer. Hop in the car, drive to Malibu, and go back behind the big metal doors to... sort mail? Answer phone calls? Arrange stamps? Love that Cher wants to assist, but I’m also sad that no one would let her.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

mydogisagenius
mydogisagenius

I envision a postal worker taking the call in disbelief, and to prove she really is Cher she starts belting out “If I Could Turn Back Time” over the phone. Only in Malibu.