Buy a Properly Sized Bra and Put It On Correctly, Dammit
LatestI wore the wrong bra size for years. I knew it, too, but I was always too lazy/poor/ashamed of my body to do anything about it. One day I was feeling emotionally tough and financially wealthy, I marched into Nordstrom, located the oldest employee in the lingerie section — figuring she knew best because she had the most years on the planet/feeling up boobs and also, it’s just less embarrassing to be naked in front of the elderly — ripped off my shirt and said “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES??”
Actually, no, I wasn’t that brave, but a sexagenarian in head-to-toe impeccably tailored bebe (or it might’ve been Express?) did find me browsing the racks of cheapy cheaperton salebras and walked over, tape measure around her neck and eyes narrowing on my chest. “You’re wearing the wrong bra size,” she barked as she openly gawked at the side boob falling out of my tank top. She was so authoritative; I almost dropped and gave her 20. With that, she pushed me into the fitting room and conducted the. most. invasive. bra fitting known to woman. I seriously haven’t been that intimate with another human being in well, ever. By the end of this fitting, I thought I might be pregnant, but I did’t care because I was wearing a bra that felt fucking fantastic!
I cannot say enough times how very wrong I was about the size I was wearing — OK, fine, I’d been in a 38 B and my actual size is a 36 D — but let me tell you: BAM! HELLO COMFORT. HELLO BREASTS.
My new (paid) friend explained to me that many women wear too large a band size and too small a cup size, and that pushes their boobs to the side, and long story short, your tits look like shit, you die alone, your cat pisses in your mouth and then drinks that up, and then eats you, etc. So if you aren’t sure if you’re wearing the right bra size (and you wear bras, in general; do your thing, girl), please please please get a professional fitting. Most every high-end-ish store offers them for free — and you can always go in and get the fitting, and then leave and buy your bras on Amazon, or whatever.
The experience was far less mortifying than I thought it would be, and by the end of it, I was straight-up doing a bizarre (and… sexy?) fashion show for three Nordstrom employees. I felt good; I looked better!
If you’re still unsure about whether or not you want to see someone about it, at least check out The Stir’s handy dandy guide to the eight mistakes people make when purchasing and caring for bras. It’s useful, and I’m especially feeling this info about being open-minded when it comes to size: