Butt-Grabbing Mayor Declares Self Cured of Creepiness

Between playing pinchyhands with unsuspecting asses and holding press conferences during which he announces his refusal to resign, it’s a wonder San Diego mayor Bob Filner was able to carve time in his busy schedule for sexual harassment-curing therapy. But he did it, you guys. Mayor Filner allegedly went to, like, at least a few days of therapy. And now he’s cured! It’s a miracle.

Filner’s short time in rehab was prompted by a shit-slew of legal troubles stemming from the fact that Bob Filner is a predatory creep who habitually sexually harassed women. As of today, fourteen women have come forward with allegations that the mayor paid them unwanted sexual attention. And rather than respond to his constituents’ calls that he resign, Filner insisted that the best course of action was to attend a rehab program, which would ostensibly “cure” him of attitudes forged by decades of misogyny.

Filner’s two-week therapy program wasn’t supposed to start until the 5th of August, but his chief of staff announced today that he snuck away all secret-like and completed the program (which he originally asked San Diego taxpayers to pay for) early. According to San Diego’s 10 News, the mayor plans to continue going to therapy on an outpatient basis. What an overachiever! I bet the other sexual harassing mayors in Don’t Grab Butts Class made fun of him for being such a try-hard.

But that’s not the end of Filner’s dick/hand-related problems. According to ThinkProgress, Filner is under investigation for spending a bunch of money at San Diego’s Westgate Plaza Hotel during the first half of the year. And everyone knows that when politicians do things that contain the suffix “-gate” at the end, you’ve got yourself a scandal.

Further, pretty much everyone of any consequence in California politics (and many embarrassed residents of San Diego) has urged him to take his Aphex Twin face back to the private sector and leave the mayor-ing to a decent human being. Filner’s undaunted. Besides, if San Diego didn’t want Bob Filner to mayor them, then San Diego shouldn’t have dressed like it want to be mayored.