Budget-Friendly Ways to Improve Your Kissing Game

The Daily Mail recently published an article announcing “the most depressing Valentine’s Day gift ever,” a pillow — designed by Florida-based designer Emily King — that comes with a mouth attached so that the owner can make-out with it.

“When I was in middle school, everyone ‘joked’ about making out with pillows for practice. I’m assuming that I was not the only one for whom the jokes had some truth,” King originally wrote on Instructables, adding:

“Let’s just all admit that we all practice made-out with our pillows and we looked really silly doing it. Those poor pillows. There seems to have been little innovation in the make-out practice pillow department despite the rise in popularity of decorative ‘Let’s Make Out’ pillows and cuddle pillows so it is time that I step in and offer a new solution to the middle-schoolers or lonely hearts of the world: a pillow with a mouth.”

And that’s exactly what she made, using the mouths and noses of CPR dummies. Now before you recoil from the idea, it should be pointed out that King herself isn’t exactly humorless about the concept:

“As we neared closer to Valentine’s day I knew the time had come — pillows you could make-out with. But I have to admit that when I mentioned this idea to my friends, the reaction from anyone over the age of 25 tended to be variations on ‘that’s really creepy,’ and anyone under the age of 25 thought it was hilarious and awesome: middle-school to college-age seemed to be the sweet spot of people who really liked the idea. I thought it was pretty hilarious myself until I actually made the things. They are super creepy. But I sort of love them for that.”

King isn’t so much selling the pillows as much as she’s offering a tutorial on how to make them, but let’s be honest with ourselves — are you really creative and shameless enough to make your own Make-Out Practice Pillow? Are you even wealthy enough that you can order a bag of CPR dummy mouths? (If you’re actually interested, King will sell you a mouth for $5.) PROBABLY NOT.

But chances are you do want to stay on top of your kissing game — a skill that can be hard to maintain if you have no one to rub mouths with. The good news is that there are a lot of budget friendly ways — ways that cost less than a $31 creep show pillow — to do this. Read on for the best make-out practice lifehacks that I could think of over the course of 5 minutes.

Dig a hole in a potato. Add eyes and hair (either through more carving or with gems and ribbons) if you’re feeling creative. Stick tongue in potato hole. Congratulations! You get an A+ in kissing!
Adopt an animal from a local shelter. This will help assuage your loneliness and you can make-out with your new animal friend if (AND ONLY IF) the animal gives verbal consent. Smoochability 100%!
Make your hand look like a mouth. Feed that mouth hot dogs and other various delicious food items. Put your hand mouth on your real mouth like you’re frenchin.’ It will taste like your favorite foods.
Build an exact replica of your crush’s head out of candle wax, clay or your preferred crafting substance. Kiss it until your lips bleed so that the fake mouth is smeared with the blood of your real mouth. Pin a love note to the head with a knife (IMPORTANT: DON’T FORGET TO SIGN YOUR NAME IN LIP BLOOD) and send to crush. They will love it. It is the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift.
Go out and kiss someone IRL. JK, that would be crazy.