For a time, it seemed the place the paparazzi caught Britney Spears most frequently was at the supermarket. Which makes sense, really—she’s a single mom with kids, you do what you gotta do! This week, some enterprising dumpster diver hawked what was alleged to be her grocery lists, and the result is a true-blue teenage PARTY!
Though the lists have already sold ($59.99, seems like a bargain), their evidence remains, and they detail the equivalent eating habits of a teenager whose parents are out of town, which is to say: Britney, can I come over? Finna drink your Red Bull and your vanilla fat-free ice cream. Also, figure out what a “baby lighter” is. Small zippos? Lighters for your baby’s cigarettes, ergonomically engineered to accommodate your baby’s tiny hands?
While the actual content of the lists is only semi-interesting—the initial intrigue of the junk food on there is but momentary—the real draw of these (alleged) lists is where Britney editorialized. On one list in which she expresses an affinity for both 2% milk and Silk (respect), she reminds herself that the tomatoes she needs to buy gotta be of a certain size.
Here, in addition to teaching us that it is possible to purchase bacon that is fat-free (I do not eat meat, give me a pass), she spells “gritz” with a Z, like a true Southern girl. (You think she likes Three 6 Mafia?)
Of course we don’t glean much insight from this ephemera, other than the notion that Britney’s friends in middle school probably always wanted to come over for snacktime. But in a time when outlets like Vanity Fair have built a cottage industry of milking “long-hidden caches” of documents from Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Onassis, it’s probably a good idea to start collecting this stuff now, so later on some self-fashioned prose-master can use them as evidence of how Britney Spears became an American royal by espousing the values of everyday Americans, or some shit.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Images via eBay.