Most current fashion trends are a direct regurgitation of another trend popularized in the ‘90s (chaotic good) or ‘00s (lawful evil). For the most part, that means hip 20- and 30-somethings are burdened by styles they wore in grade school; I’m no shrink, but that has got to do something weird to your brain. (It’s no coincidence that adolescence lasts until age 24 now, anyway.) I may just be bitter that my ginormous face will never pull off tiny sunnies again, my laptop would never fit in the tiny purse I used to haul to Claire’s, and I don’t think “trendsetting” so much as “bacteria utopia” when I see a brave soul parading around in clear, plastic shoes, but the desire to follow those retro trends doesn’t really affect me at all. You know what would, though? Skorts. If a short-skirt (skirt-short?) comeback is nigh, sign me up.
On Wednesday, Beyoncé posted an Instagram in an all-black fit, complete with tiny sunglasses, tiny bag and clear, plastic shoes. She looked great. She always looks great, and this look wasn’t particularly outlandish. However, as Vogue points out, just below her oversized belt was something remarkable... a skort.
It’s an obviously elevated take on a Limited Too classic, but there she is: a true skort. What was once reserved for Lizzie McGuire re-runs and school uniform catalogs may soon become available for adults. I am ecstatic.
Consider the benefits: skorts allow you the fashion of a skirt with the mobility of a short. No longer will you be afraid of accidentally flashing god and all her creatures when exiting a low car, or a low couch, or a picnic blanket. No longer will you have to hold your hands to your sides when jumping from something of any altitude. At an amusement park, you have the freedom of riding any ride without the fear of a crotch shot. There’s no need to cross your legs when you’re sitting—manspread that shit. The bloomers industry is shaking; skorts will reign supreme once again.
And for the naysayers who are probably thinking, “Aren’t skorts, like, the mullets of bottoms?” They’re wrong—those are culotte shorts—and while some classic skorts do give the appearance of shorts in the back, a single flap in the front for that gorgeous a-line skirt mien, they aren’t all like that. You don’t have to live life between party and business. Some skorts offer that desirable skirt look all the way through, like Bey’s pictured above, if she were to zip that sucker all the way down to the hem. But she doesn’t have to, and maybe the 2019 charm is found in that little short peek. I don’t know, I’m not Beyoncé.
I’m only human. A human who loves skorts. Welcome to the future.