Break Out the Sketti Because Mama June Is Getting Married Today

By Doug Barry | May 5, 2013 | 3:30pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Mama June, the inimitable matriarch of TLC’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, is getting married today to her longtime beau Sugar Bear. According to TMZ, June Shannon and Mike Thompson met in a chat room nine strange years ago, and have somehow managed to ride the tumultuous sea of celebrity to a safe harbor. Maritime metaphors notwithstanding, June and Bear will get to paw at each other after the ceremony (which TLC is filming for archival purposes), when they’ll surely enjoy the rest of their lovely Cinco de Mayo under the light of a smoldering McIntyre, Georgia sunset.

Also, according to the invitations, guests are encouraged to dress in full redneck attire, which in this case means hot pink, camouflage, or some creative combination of both. [TMZ]

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While playing Heathcliff in a made-for-British TV adaptation of Wuthering Heights, Puppy maestro Tom Hardy met his fiancée, Charlotte Riley. Happy ending, yes? NO! They were in a Wuthering Heights movie together — there was bound to be trouble. Their marriage has been put on hold, and according to the rumor-ravenous British press, Hardy has been seen with Noomi Rapace, the original, far more badass Lisbeth Salander. [Telegraph]

Also, Keira Knightley got French-married to James Righton. [AP]

Fashion designer Lulu Guinness blames Kate Middleton for using her shrinking ray on all of Britain’s handbags. [Telegraph]

“Who hasn’t dated a gay dude? There were weird things he would say. He once tried on my heels…that was a pretty big indication!” said Gabourey Sidibe when discussing the shock Jason Collins former fiancée expressed at learning Collins is gay. [BET]

Amid security worries, Aerosmith cancelled a concert in Indonesia. [AP]

A celebrated travel writer who is unfortunately not the mild-mannered Michael Palin criticized Bono for being an “ignorant, meddlesome fool” when it comes to Africa. [Telegraph]

Shia LaBeouf gave away “hundreds” of signed, self-produced Stale N Mate comics to unsuspecting strangers walking around in Studio City, Calif. who had no idea they would be enlisted in the effort to dispose of Shia LaBeouf’s garbage. [Twitter, ONTD]

Farrah Abraham commissioned someone to take pictures of her at a pole dancing class because holding onto fame is like holding onto water. [HuffPo]

What’s the best way to get into character if you’re playing Daisy Buchanan in a lavish Baz Luhrmann production of The Great Gatsby? So glad you asked! Professional Daisy impersonator Carey Mulligan said it’s all about feeling really, really rich: “To be wearing literally millions of dollars worth of jewelry every day really lends a quality of elegance, in a way. You feel very kind of expensive when you’re walking about. I’ve never experienced anything like it.” [Detroit Free Press]

New Superman Henry Cavill on the subtle joys of being “fat”: “The ‘major bulking’ phase came first and that was fun. That meant eating 5,000 calories a day. The best thing about that phase is that you’re really strong and even though you don’t look great, because you’re carrying a lot of extra fat, you’re always in a really good mood.” [Glamour via Contact Music]

Nicole Kidman wants you, movie-going citizen, to take your multivitamins and then join her for a romp in the pasture. [Adweek]

American outlaw Reese Witherspoon turned up at LAX wearing an Atlanta PD baseball cap. [TMZ]

Image via AP, John Bazemore