America’s most rapacious infant strapped on his travelin’ diaper and journeyed to Japan over the weekend, his second stop in a five-country tour he’ll be blundering his buttery way through over the course of 13 days.
Tasked with finding an engaging, tactile activity for an exceedingly dull child, Prime Minister Shinzo Abe probably thought he nailed it when he decided to bring the visiting flesh potato to feed the fish at the Akasaka palace in Tokyo. Koi are bright and colorful, like big, slimy crayons. Their food is beige and crumbly, like all of The Baby’s cabinet members. What fun they would have!
Abe might be perfectly competent leader, but he’s proven himself totally inept at entertaining the oafish, pus-headed toddler dumped into his care. Koi are traditionally recognized as symbols of strength and perseverance; Abe’s visitor is, again, just an abnormally stupid baby who can’t tell his face from a jar of pickled pig anuses.
So I guess none of us should be surprised when, after flinging in a few lumps of food, the Baby just overturned the entire feed box atop the animals.
It’s lucky that this baby is just a baby, and not responsible for any seismic policy decisions or capable of initiating thermonuclear war. Phew!
Update, Monday, 12:30 p.m.: Many people have pointed out that Abe also dumped his fish food into the pond. This does not change the fact that Trump remains a big, extremely stupid baby, though I should also have noted that he is also racist, sexist and thoroughly incompetent. Thank you.