In the March issue of Vogue, Beyoncé wants you to know that she’s neither cyborg-armed Type-A perfectionist nor untouchable pop star. She’s a wooooman, W-O-M-A-N. She has never been more aware of her womanity. “Right now, after giving birth, I really understand the power of my body. I just feel my body means something completely different. I feel a lot more confident about it. Even being heavier, thinner, whatever. I feel a lot more like a woman. More feminine, more sensual. And no shame.”
(As for the rumors that Bey wore a fake belly and used a surrogate in order to preserve her figure, she was quizzical: “That was very odd. Who would even think of that?”)
Bey recalls when her friend Gwyneth “Buy This Blazer, Whose Lining Is Eco-Consciously Sewn Only From CONSENTING Silkworms, At The Modest Price Point of $5,000” Paltrow came over to watch her record a song while holding Blue Ivy. “I thought, this is how you do it. You do what you love with who you love included.”
Mrs. Carter goes on to call Blue Ivy “my homey, my best friend,” which is notable because:
A) The word “homey” appears in Vogue.
B) Is it normal to call your one-year-old child your best friend? What can you do with her besides besides point at cookies and attempt to communicate? But I don’t have a kid, so who the fuck knows. Anyway, here is the cover. [NYDN; lede image via Vogue]
After Taylor Swift made a dig at Harry Styles during her Grammys performance by utilizing an English accent in the middle of “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” the manboys of One Direction had advised fellow baby carrot/bandmate Harry Styles not to hit back, says a source:
“The lads have told Harry to forget about retaliating, because it’s just not worth it. They’ve all advised him to be the bigger person and not to wash his dirty laundry in public – it’s just tacky and embarrassing. With the media circus that surrounded Harry and Taylor when they were together, the boys were a little miffed that it distracted fans from the band and what they were all about.”
Right. And what are they about? Writing poignant social commentary about the racist motives behind the imprisonment of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter? No. They’re mostly about hair gel. But really, T-Swizzle had to wear a white top hat. That’s punishment enough. [Radar Online]
The boys of One Direction were chided by their manager after blowing tons of cash at a casino. Guys, stop trying to be the second coming of A Hard Day’s Night. It’s not gonna happen. [Daily Mail]
Mila Kunis covers this month’s Allure, and she wasn’t psyched when they showed her a picture of Ashton Kutcher. “I didn’t think this was going to be about my friends. Not about who my friends are, who I’m dating, or who I may have ever dated. That’s not talking about myself! […] For four years I was single. An amazing time. An amazing time. I love being single.” Yeah, I’d imagine the four years between Kutcher and Macaulay Culkin would be necessary to decompress.
“You can look [online] and see what Starbucks I go to. You can look and see what gym I go to. You can go online and look at my daily activities! And they have no concept of what kind of danger that puts people in…You’re constantly worried that something’s going to get out that’s going to put your life in danger or your loved ones.”
You forgot what kind of boner-wilting sweatpants you wear! HOW CAN YOU WILT BONERS WITH SUCH WANTON ABANDON, MILA KUNIS? [USA Today]
The news is that, after Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake teamed up at the Grammys to sing “Suit & Tie,” the men announced that they’d be doing a 10-stadium tour. And during a red carpet interview, Justin confirmed: “We’re definitely going to go on tour… I don’t know how much I should say… It’s going to be a lot of fun, I know that.” [Page Six]
Furthermore, here’s Hova drinking cognac from his Grammy statue. [Gossip Cop]
- Buy Cher’s condo! Do it. You can soak up some of her aura. [TMZ]
- After the BAFTAs, Bradley Cooper dirty-danced with Alice Eve, who played Charlotte’s kids’ nanny who didn’t wear a bra in Sex and The City 2. The more you know. [E!]
- James Deen was offered the lead in an XXX version of The Canyons. Meta! [TMZ]
- Will Smith and Kanye West hit a recording studio in Brazil. Please let this have something to do with a redux of the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme song. [E!]
- 4-year-old famous spawn Vivienne Jolie-Pitt is gonna make $3,000 a week on Maleficent. In other news, I haven’t had health insurance for three years. Derp. [TMZ]
- Adele maybe yelled at Chris Brown for not standing up after Frank Ocean performed at the Grammys. Here’s the photo in question. [Daily Mail]
- Carrie Underwood denies a rumored feud with Taylor Swift. [NYDN]
- I guess Jennifer Lawrence sucked her thumb and carried a teddy bear around Heathrow Airport? No judgment. [NYDN]
- Kristin Cavillari says she was “forced to be a bitch” on Laguna Beach, just like you were “forced” to eat that entire Mast artisinal chocolate bar last night while watching CSI. And by you I mean me. [Gossip Cop]
- Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, actor Taylor Kinney, is making a Valentine’s Day meal for Mother Monster and her dog. It’s called romance. [TV3.ie]
- Gemma Arterton confirmed that she has split from husband Stefano Catelli. [Daily Mail]
- Hahaha, this picture of Taylor Swift and Lena Dunham. [Janet Charlton’s Hollywood]
- Also, T-Swizzle skipped the Grammy afterparties to chill with her Scottish Fold cat, who, lest you forget, is the best thing ever. No, but actually. [People]
- Here’s Rihanna’s second video from Unapologetic, “Stay,” in which she hangs out in the bath long enough that if any of us Muggles did it we’d get prune fingers. [Vulture]
- Katy Perry, John Mayer, Allison Williams and her College Humor-founding boyfriend Ricky Van Veen, AND Lena Dunham and boyfriend .fun guitarist Jack Antonoff hung out during the Grammys/set the world on fire. (That song mostly just makes me feel old and rheumy?) [People]
- Weirdly Sofia Vergara was almost cast in Nicole Kidman’s infamous role in The Paper Boy. (So just replace all instances of “urine” with “Pepsi.”) [Us Weekly]
- Matthew McConaughey is eating again after his scary-skinny phase to convincingly play an AIDS patient in Dallas Buyers Club. Alright alright alright. [Us Weekly]
- Janice Dickinson “accidentally” walked off the runway of a charity show with $20,000 of jewelry on her back. [Page Six]
- Lil Wayne got kicked out of a Miami Heat game for rooting for the Lakers. [Gossip Cop]