Rumor has it there are more “lonely, single men” than ever these days. Psychology Today recommends that men looking to avoid this fate should simply consider changing everything about themselves. Of course, the publication meant silly, frivolous changes, like therapy and learning how to become “emotionally available”—sure, try that, or whatever.
Or maybe just grow a mustache.
We’ve been over this before: Mustaches are undoubtedly the trend of the summer, and while they’re hardly a new invention, Miles Teller arguably piloted (haha) this latest mustache renaissance when he flew onto the scene with perfectly groomed upper lip hair in Top Gun: Maverick back in May. Since, mustaches have pretty much been everywhere, and I’ve truly been living.
But as the trend spreads far and wide, there are bound to be hits and misses, creating the need for a definitive guide to the do’s and don’t’s of mustache-styling. If you’re curious about how to ensure your ‘stache inspires the same thirst as Teller’s, or, perhaps more importantly, how to avoid presenting as a certain Nazi party leader, you’ve come to the right place.
As Megan Collins, a stylist at the online men’s styling service Style Girlfriend, told Jezebel last month, the right mustache evokes nostalgia—a yearning for a more primal, sensual time: “It’s not going back to guys wanting to be meatheads, but I think that they’re getting back to this sort of more raw, sexual look.” For example, Teller with a mustache “reminds [women] of that funny, confident, borderline-cocky guy you knew in high school or college, where he wasn’t maybe the smartest guy in the room, the most athletic, or the tallest guy, but he had this confidence that was very sexy.” They aren’t called ‘70s porn-staches for nothing.
That said, I cannot emphasize this enough: There is a difference between traveling back in time to the lusty, wild days of ‘70s disco and venturing back to 1940s fascism. If you’re weighing whether a mustache is right for you, find some inspiration—and cautionary notes—from the celebrity mustaches on the following slides.