Jack Harlow, Self-Proclaimed ‘Girlboss’ Who’s ‘Selfless’ in Bed, Remains Internet’s Boyfriend

Speaking of respecting women at work, Harlow at one point recalls meeting his first celebrity crush Vanessa Hudgens on the red carpet of the Met Gala for an interview, during which, quite uncharacteristically for someone who’s gone to great pains to self-brand as a ladies’ man, he made no visible effort to flirt with the former Disney icon. This was apparently very deliberate. “I didn’t want to do nothing; she was trying to work,” Harlow told Teen Vogue.

Perhaps Harlow saw the backlash to Offset crashing Cardi B’s Rolling Loud set in 2018, disrupting her performance to beg her to take him back. Perhaps he just isn’t a little twat. Either way, Harlow is clearly very aware that coming to a woman’s place of work, intruding, and creating a scene is toxic behavior, and he let Vanessa do her thing! Please join me in celebrating a classically handsome white man for doing the bare minimum!

Lest you thought Harlow was done taking out his dick at all of us to ogle at this stage of the interview, you haven’t seen anything yet. Referencing Harlow’s recent appearance on The Breakfast Club, during which he’s visibly shocked by one of the host’s confessions that his wife didn’t orgasm for the first decade of their relationship, Teen Vogue poses the question: “Is it important to Harlow to prioritize female pleasure?” Based on his answer, he seems to understand sometimes less can be more: “I’ll say this. I’m getting more selfless by the day.”

Well then! That certainly gives me a lot to think about, probably later tonight before I go to bed! Moving on!!

Finally, before the profile concludes with Harlow telling his interviewer he feels like he “went to school with a girl like you” who “did her homework,” he acknowledges his shortcomings and his need to work on and better himself, like any good internet boyfriend. When confronted about how some might see his lyrics as objectifying toward women, he tells the magazine: “I’d tell them I’m very open to the way they’re thinking. I’d love to keep learning more.”

In other words, he sees you, he hears you, and, yes, it’s apparently on you to perform the labor of educating him—but I have to say, this is not a man I am overly opposed to performing on or putting in labor for!

Harlow is, overall, not an especially useful member of society, based on his music and what he adds to the conversation, which isn’t much. He’s said and done some pretty dumb things, though he seems perfectly aware of and apologetic about this. But he is regrettably, indubitably cute and seems to put in the right amount of effort to not present as a massive asshole. And sometimes, for the internet at least, that’s enough.