I know none of you were counting down the days, but the 2022 MTV Video Music Awards are here! It’s time to go to the moon, and unfortunately I do not mean “get so excruciatingly high that you float into outer space, psychedelically speaking!” What the VMAs are celebrating that every other music awards show isn’t celebrating is something I cannot figure out, but they have a red carpet, a buttload of celebrity performances, and shiny Moon Person trophies, so this is me feigning excitement.
MTV’s annual fête is built on an Everest-sized mountain of iconic pop culture moments: the Madonna/Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera kiss, Kanye’s “I’mma let you finish” metaphorical beef with Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga’s literal beef on her 2010 dress, and Britney’s “I’m a Slave 4 U” snake performance (a mass queer awakening event for bisexuals). But this year’s VMA ceremony seems less intent on making music history and more primed to draw stank faces from audiences. For example! Johnny Depp made a special “comeback” appearance via video dressed as a real-life Moon Person; I’m not sure what an alleged sexual abuser can possibly do for the reputation of an astronaut statue other than irreparably harm it. Eminem and Snoop were also on tap for a “first of its kind” performance inspired by the world of the Otherside metaverse; I fear these two may be banished to the metaverse forever. I should also add that there’s a Best Metaverse Performance category this year and Lizzo is the only woman nominated for Artist of the Year, in case you needed any further reason to launch yourself into the sun.
One thing’s for sure, though: With stars like Taylor Swift, Jack Harlow, Bad Bunny, Blackpink, J Balvin, and Becky G in attendance, the red carpet fashion was fuego. Let’s judge some famous people, shall we?