Benedict Cumberbatch Has a Girlfriend and All Your Dreams Are Dead

Deck the halls of Tumblr with black crepe and get some grief counselors on standby, because it appears that unlikely Internet sex symbol Benedict Cumberbatch has been snatched from the dating market.

JEEVES, FETCH MY MOST SOMBER BLACK DRESS. (Jeeves is what I call the pigeon who lives outside my living room window, taunting my cat.)

This devastating tidbit comes via Page Six. Masterpiece Theater producer Rebecca Eaton (dreamiest of dream jobs) recently appeared on a panel alongside noted pot-dabbler Maureen Dowd at the Cannes Lions festival. After revealing that Obama damn dear destroyed one of Lady Grantham’s gowns at a White House event, she dropped a bombshell:

That might also explain her other job: helping British hottie Benedict Cumberbatch find a new love interest. She wouldn’t say whom the “Sherlock” actor has met, but she said it’s time for all those “Cumberbitches” — the name used by his huge base of female followers — to move on.

What, like I’m going to start posting gifs of Matt Smith instead? PSHHHHH.

Photo via Getty.