Behold Katie Maloney-Schwartz's Hideous Second Wedding Ring

This blog is in poor form, but some affronts cannot stand. On Tuesday, Katie Maloney-Schwartz, known for her vindictive alter-ego Tequila Katie on Vanderpump Rules, posted her “second wedding” ring on her Instagram story. And it’s horrible.


According to gossip site Oh No They Didn’t, the finger jewelry retailed for $35,000, was crafted by the VP crew’s favorite designer Kyle Chan, and it is made up of a “15-carat heart-shaped tanzanite,” which Maloney-Schwartz couldn’t resist after “gem hunting in the desert.” That’s unfortunate because it looks like costume jewelry or a child’s mood ring.

Let’s get a closer look:

Jezebel’s own Ashley Reese was quick to note to me that Maloney-Scwartz’s ring looks very similar to another heart-shaped ring she once saw on a Reddit r/relationships post from a few years ago, where a woman anonymously asked the internet how she should tell her husband that the jewelry is extremely ugly. The post has since been deleted, but the image of it remains. With the exception of the gem’s coloring, their rings are nearly identical. Irony, huh?

I do empathize with the desire to go an unconventional route—it’s cool that Maloney-Scwartz opted not to go with a princess-cut diamond for her wedding band, or whatever. But for the rest of her life and/or marriage, she will confront questions about her mood ring. Some knowledgable and aggressive observers might mention that she must feel tranquil all the time because that’s what the purple color signifies. She will tell them to fuck off.

In conclusion, this ring is bad, and I cannot unsee it.


The Ghost of James Madison's Rage Boner

LOL, the joke is on her. A tanzanite is the single worst choice stone for a wedding ring, except for maybe a pearl. This is because zoisite, the mineral that this variety of gem belongs to, is a) too soft (Mohs 6-7, which is lower than common dust, one component of which is quartz), and b) more importantly, has a mineralogical characteristic known as “perfect cleavage,” meaning one good blow from the right direction will cause it crack cleanly in two. That bezel setting is designed to protect it as best it can be, but it’s likely still too exposed.

This is the kind of ring jewelers sell to idiots with more money than sense because they look nice but will need to be replaced fairly shortly. Good tanzanites are very pretty but are not suited to be worn as daily drivers.