Batshit Nun Tells Assembly of Teens That Masturbation Makes Them Gay

…She started talking about how gays [sic] people are gay because they have an absent father figure, and therefore they have not received the masculinity they should have from their father … Also a guy could be gay if he masterbates [sic] and so he thinks he is being turned on by other guys. And then she gave an example of one of her gay ‘friends’ who said he used to go to a shed with his friends and watch porn and thats why he was gay. … Then she talked about the statistic where gay men have had either over 500 or 1000 sexual partners and after that I got up and went to the bathroom because I should not have had to been subject to that extremely offensive talk.

So according to Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, consuming too much porn, having an absent father figure and rubbing one out can all make you gay. As we all know, these “facts” are actual nonsense so — since she was making things up anyway — it seems like real shame that she didn’t have a little more fun with her information. Here are some made up facts she should consider using in the future: Eating too many Flaming Hot Cheetos makes you gay, getting your first boner while watching Bernadette Peters sing “Tonight You Belong to Me” in The Jerk makes you gay, khaki pants (either wearing or looking at them) makes you gay.

Now back to the story!

In a petition asking the school administrators to apologize for the lecture, the wonderfully progressive students of Charlotte Catholic School write:

We are incensed that you knew the content of this speech and allowed these ideas to be expressed in a school that should be preaching a message of love and acceptance.

Later adding:

We resent the fact that a school wide assembly became a stage to blast the issue of homosexuality after Pope Francis said in an interview this past fall that “we can not insist only on issues related to abortion, gay marriage and the use of contraceptives methods.” We are angry that someone decided they knew better than our Holy Father and invited a speaker who addressed the issue of homosexuality to our school to speak twice in the course of one school year.

<3<3<3 The petition currently has over 2,000 signatures and the school will host a parent meeting tonight to discuss matters further. Defending the choice to invite Sister Jane Dominic Laurel, David Hains of the Charlotte Diocese told WBTV:

“Is a homosexual person born that way, or do they develop that way? There is no real answer. She was presenting more the side of the argument that homosexuality is something that develops in someone. They are not born with it.”

Thank God that the children, not David Hains, are the future.

Image via Shutterstock.