Back That Azz Up… Into This Chair!

Every now and again, I think fondly of Juvenile—the artist responsible for every song played from my senior year Homecoming float—and wonder where he’s at, how he’s doing, and how he’s been. Imagine how happy I am to discover that he’s keeping busy by pivoting from rap mogul to furniture artisan?

Rolling Stone caught up with Juvenile, and it seems like in quarantine, he’s been puttering around the house making lighting fixtures, chairs, tables for dominos, and whatever else strikes his fancy.

From Rolling Stone:

How did you start building furniture during the pandemic?

The whole building thing kind of came up with me as a kid. My stepfather is a carpenter. I’ve always been around building stuff as a kid. He was teaching me then how to do measurements, different woods and stuff like that. What triggered this back off with me was my wife wanted some things done in a clothing store that she owns. It’s called Hear Say by Shadonna. She wanted some racks made with the pipe. And I’m like, “I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” and she showed me some pictures. I looked at it. I was like, “I could do that. That’s nothing.” Then I started doing it. One thing led from that to me building furniture.

Honestly, this is not the future I foresaw, but let’s take a closer look at his efforts.

I appreciate the industrial lines and the nod to mid-century modern’s influence in his artful use of brass. This table would not be out of line at West Elm and for that, I am appreciative. God bless Juvenile for having his finger on the pulse of the interior design zeitgeist. Joanna Gaines is shaking, having felt the sanctity of her industrial boho farmhouse empire jostled by Juvenile’s talent in the woodshop.

Tell me you can’t see this shit in the Hearth and Home display at your local Target, and I will tell you that you are, in fact, a liar!

These have a more rustic quality to them; according to Juvenile, these are wall-mounted liquor dispensers. I was unaware that there was a market for wall-mounted liquor dispensers, but now that I know they exist, I can see any of these fixtures existing in a rec room or, if we’re being very creative, serving as a pot-filler in an industrial-style loft kitchen inhabited by a scruffy bachelor with a big heart and a lot of emotional baggage.

Don’t know who this gal is, but I do know that I love her. Juvenile, sir, if you were to start selling any of these pieces anywhere on the internet, I would love one for my new home. Thank you!