Bachelor In Paradise's Blake Has Forced Me to Agree With Dean, Which I Can Never Forgive

The neverending fountain of conflict in the Bachelor franchise is sourced by the fact that all of the contestants must semi-convincingly pretend to be human beings who earnestly want relationships in order to hide the fact they are actually sentient sponsored content hashtags that breathe and eat attention. So even when one of them makes something resembling a good point, it is generally encrusted in such a thick layer of self-serving bullshit as to make the whole thing a bit offputting.

Exhibit A: Dean Unglert, himself a Bachelor villain of sorts, explaining why it was wrong of Bachelor in Paradise’s Blake Horstmann to release screenshots of his private, sexual text conversation with fellow contestant Caelynn Miller-Keys.

Here is the backstory. On this season of BIP, Miller-Keys accused Horstmann of sleeping with her and another contestant, Kristina Schulman, over the course of a weekend at the Stagecoach Music Festival and then calling Miller-Keys a “mistake” while urging her not to say anything about the encounter as it would make him look bad on television and preclude him from the possibility of ever being the Bachelor.

In response to the accusations, Horstmann simultaneously apologized and released private text messages via Instagram that subjected Miller-Keys to an onslaught of abuse and death threats from terrible people who need to calm the fuck down. Here is where Dean has a point:

“What really crossed the line for me was he took private messages between him and another girl who didn’t consent to him releasing these messages and blasted them publicly to his followers which gets picked up to the news outlets...The sharing of messages specifically from a girl who you were romantically involved with when she was drunk and horny and you go ahead and blast those text messages on your social is a very obvious form of slut shaming in a sense and that’s really what’s frustrating.”

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Releasing those messages to be picked up by countless news outlets to live on the internet in perpetuity seems unnecessarily cruel and embarrassing. Especially since this week’s episode saw Blake happily frenching Hannah on the beach, proof that Caelynn’s accusations didn’t exactly send Blake packing.

Here is a part of the statement to vigorously debate in the comments:

“Publishing and publicizing private text messages without consent from the other person as a public figure is one of the most disgraceful things you can do. I think it’s almost equivalent to sharing someone’s nudes.”

Here is the part where I doubt the sincerity of Unglert’s passion for the subject. He is dating Miller-Keys as of this season of Bachelor in Paradise, a fact that has been heralded for publicity in all the same gossip outlets reporting on the screenshotted texts. However, two seasons ago, Unglert was also a tabloid staple because of his own involvement with Schulman, who quit the show in tears after she caught Unglert hooking up with someone else in the BIP swimming pool.

Cut to the crabs clicking their pinchers on the beach as a metaphor for me throwing up my hands in frustration over what feelings and opinions might be correct in response to all of this. [E! News]

In three more years, Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend will turn 25, leading news outlets to speculate as to whether or not he will ever deign to date a 25-year-old. How come no one’s asking whether or not over 25-year-olds want to date DiCaprio? Because on behalf of all of us, I answer no. [Page Six]

• Kylie Jenner’s birthday yacht is expensive. [Page Six]
• Will and Kate’s charity boats are slow. [Vanity Fair]
• Brad Pitt’s abs are, wait for it, a result of rigorous exercise. [People]

• The Jonas-Chopras are selling a very expensive house and buying a very, very expensive house. [Realtor]