In the summer, I want nothing more than to forget I reside in a meat sack and whenever possible, escape my corporeal form. This can be accomplished, in my limited experience suffering through sweltering summers in New York (summer is better everywhere else, bye!!!), by wearing very loose-fitting, breathable clothing. Anything mesh or viscose is a blessing. Crop tops and skorts are a godsend.
And yet, there’s a part of me that’s caught up in a whirlwind of jealousy and concern when I see photos of famous short person Ashley Olsen strutting through Hollywood wearing what looks like an all-black, two-piece burlap sack in the dead of July. Is she comfortable? Would I be?
The best-known thing about the Olsen twins—after their date of birth, if you’re like me and somehow committed that to memory over the course of your young adult life—is that they are fashion icons who can wear whatever they want. No matter what it is, how unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally, one starts to ask) unflattering, they pull it off! This look from Ashley, who was on her way to see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood with her boyfriend and other celebrity friends, fits into that category. It makes me wonder: Is wearing deeply ill-fitting pants cool now? Should my next sweater be three sizes too big? No, it’s just Ashley, who transforms raggedy items into utilitarian chic. If I wore this exact outfit, I would merely look like a sad clown and potentially get stopped by a stranger on the street, asking I was okay.
The beauty of this look, though, which looks like it could be recreated from the menswear section of a Goodwill, down to the shower slide shoes, is that it accomplished what a good summer outfit should (I checked, and it seems weather-appropriate for the temperature in Pacific Palisades right now; yet another reason to leave New York): It’s baggy and oversized to the point of being enviable, like a linen cocoon.
What I’m saying is: This is going on my goth Eileen Fisher mood board. When the temperature finally falls in New York, I already know what I’m wearing.