Area DILF Wins Meaningless But Ultimately Fulfilling Award

I imagine that the meetings and various summits conducted by the brains at People to come up with the Sexiest Man of the Year every year involves a complicated calculus based on popularity, actual attractiveness, perceived attractiveness, and, finally, whether or not the person in mind is in need of some press. Unclear as to where Paul Rudd lands in this stew, but here he is— People’s Sexiest Man Alive.

This honor was announced during a segment on Stephen Colbert’s television program. Here’s one of the two videos they aired as part of the lead-up to this dubious award.

The other part, which you can see here, is more of the same— Rudd being charming, and then being “awarded” this prize. To his credit, Mr. Handsome sort of understands the general confusion some might feel around this news, but as he told People, his life is going to change dramatically because of this distinction. “And I figure I’ll be on a lot more yachts. I’m excited to expand my yachting life,” he said. “And I’ll probably try to get better at brooding in really soft light. I like to ponder. I think this is going to help me become more inward and mysterious. And I’m looking forward to that.”

Listen, I, too, am looking forward to Paul Rudd brooding in soft light and exploring the nautical life, and I do not think that this is an incorrect designation, per se. Rudd’s attractiveness is not up for debate—the man is charming, he’s funny, he’s intelligent, and his eyes crinkle at the corner when he smiles—but he’s bougie-stay-at-home-dad hot. Approachable, affable, and not too intimidating, the man literally owns a candy store in Rhinebeck, a quaint town in the Hudson Valley that is now overrun by tourists pacing up and down the main drag looking for apple cider donuts and respite from New York City’s relentless grind. Pardon me if I’m mistaken, but “candy store proprietor” is one of the approved jobs for a Hallmark Christmas movie love interest. That in and of itself is inherently unsexy, but I don’t make the rules.

A suggestion, though: If People was going to pick a man with sex appeal, Oscar Issac and his new beard were right there? Daddy Issac, on the other hand, is like stern professor with impeccable bone structure, so much so that this beard only enhances the cut glass nature of his jaw. Oscar Issac could ruin my life, and the life of many others, before disappearing in a puff of smoke, and I’d be happy to have just been a part of his journey. But, it’s Rudd’s time now. Happy Sexy Man day to Paul Rudd. [People]

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