Are You Going To Arizona To Stalk Prince Harry?

Hold on to your fascinators, a Royal is moving to Arizona at the end of this week. After spending the last year learning to fly powerful Apache attack helicopters, Prince Harry will train with the most elite pilots in the world in a course called Exercise Crimson Eagle. Crimson Eagle, INDEED. If you’re planning on packing up and heading in Harry’s general direction, here’s what you need to know before you surely get arrested.

• Harry will be living Top Gun, in real life. Except there will be less Tom Cruise, less “Danger Zone,” and more working, training, and (probably) bodyguards. And if you were wondering, yes, he will most definitely be blowing the hell out of hillsides with guns. Sounds fun.
• Arizona. Harry will reside in Gila Bend, Arizona — a town with only one highway, one bar, and a population of 1,700. You might think this means the odds are in your favor to “casually bump into” His Royal Hotness in such a small area, but you’d be wrong. Those enrolled at the Barry M. Goldwater U.S. Air Force Range don’t have time for fun and games. That is, until…
• Las Vegas. It is tradition for said pilots to take a rowdy trip to Sin City at the end of their course. A source tells GMA that there are people are royal palace who are “terrified by the thought that Prince Harry is going to be let loose in Las Vegas.” Exactly.
• Harry will “fire a live missile for the first time.” One of the big perks of said training is Harry’s newfound ability to fire live missiles, which just came across as a sexual euphemism to me. Because yes, the “Crimson Eagle” can fire his “live missile” in my “Danger Zone” any time. (See what I did there?)