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Another Stupid Tool To Help Men Track Women's Periods

Illustration for article titled Another Stupid Tool To Help Men Track Womens Periods

Obviously, it's called "The Daily Cramp."

Says 29-year-old Jon Hilley, "Guys think women just have a period once a month and bleed...But the chemicals in their bodies are constantly changing, that's why their emotions change." Armed with this wisdom, Hilley decided that forewarned was forearmed, and that he could help his fellow men by telling them what was up with their ladies at any given point in the month.

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And in case you thought this was any kind of breakthrough in gender relations, or might inspire understanding of our travails, think again. This is what it's like.

Today's status: still bleeding. In fact, a tidal wave of dark red and watery brown river water is flowing out of me right now. What? Too much information? Isn't this why you signed up for The Daily Cramp: to know my flow? Well get used to it. This is the way of my biological world, weenie.

Considering the torrential downpour I'm experiencing, I probably won't shave. Not my legs. Not my underarms. Not my hoo-ha. Nothing. I'm going to go au naturale and bring it back to the stone age. And you've got nothing to say about it, so you can just clamp your loud mouth shut. It's not like you deserve any awards for self-grooming.

The Daily Cramp: Your path to a no strings attached BJ begins and ends with sympathy. Be nice, be sympathetic, and be down with the fur on my leg. If you don't, you'll blow your chances (pun intended).

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In other words, it's like a straight-to-video American Pie installment. Daily Cramp: you appear to suck (no pun intended.) And I'm not saying it because it's my time of the month.

The Daily Cramp: Can Miami Investment Bankers Make Million$ Teaching Men About Menstruation? [Miami New Times]

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DISCUSSION

kyosuke
Kat Callahan

We don't need your help, Mr. Hilley, but if I decide I just cannot possibly make as much of an ass of myself as I want to on my own, I'll be sure to give you a call.