Anna Sorokin Is Out of Prison and Should Consider Getting Back Into Grifting

Illustration for article titled Anna Sorokin Is Out of Prison and Should Consider Getting Back Into Grifting
Image: TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP (Getty Images)

Back in 2019, fake German heiress and actual Russian immigrant Anna Sorokin (aka Delvay) was sentenced to 12 years in prison for treating banks and rich people the same way giant corporations have treated pandemic loans earmarked for small business relief: like a wishing well full of pennies she could just scoop out and pocket with no repercussions. Today, Sorokin has been released from prison for good behavior, and I very much hope she goes right back to grifting or at least starts some kind of class for people interested in stealing money from giant corporations.

Sorokin has actually done more to compensate for her grift than most of 245 publicly traded companies that took small business loans because she was forced to fork over the more than $300k she made selling the rights to her story to Netflix. Sorokin is also appealing the original charges against her despite her early release and has made a new Twitter account praising the Manhattan DA for its decision.

Years ago, when we were all a bit more naive, Sorokin’s actions may have seemed deserving of punishment. However, nearly one full year into America’s rapid descent back into Grapes of Wrath-level widespread despair, as desperate citizens have been given a grand total of $1,800 apiece to compensate for months’ worth of lost wages, I hope Sorokin walks into the first high-rise building she sees and steals everything that isn’t nailed down. Maybe we all should. Currently, either grifting or already being wealthy or a combination of both seem like the only existing ways to earn enough money to stay alive long enough to get a vaccine, so Anna Sorokin, teach us your ways. I’d love to learn.

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absolut-alcoholic
absolut-alcoholic

How does someone get a 12 year sentence reduced to 2 years for good behaviour?!?!?! Has she been canonized by the Church for this saintly level of behaviour?