I assume you've already heard about Pat Robertson's genius new "Don't Shake Hands with a Gay Because He'll Probably Poke You with an AIDS Needle in His Magic Ring" theorem. If you haven't, you're welcome! Gahd, gays, what is your prahblem!? THE GOOD CHRISTIANS JUST WANT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH YOU 4 JESUS! (And to feel your rugged, moist palms pressed against theirs in the most chaste yet holy of kisses.)
“In my own experience, our organization sponsored a meeting years ago in San Francisco where trained security officers warned me about shaking hands because, in those days, certain AIDS-infected activists were deliberately trying to infect people like me by virtue of rings which would cut fingers and transfer blood,” [Robertson] said.
Anyway, Anderson Cooper took that shit all the way down on his show Wednesday:
“A ring that gives you AIDS? I’ve never seen that section at Zales, have you?” he quipped. “I totally get why Pat Robertson is against same-sex marriage. He just doesn’t want to give gay men a reason to wear rings.”