Generally, I do not advocate for any sort of dramatic changes to your appearance after a traumatic incident or breakup, because usually, afterwards, you will feel absolutely terrible and startled by the stranger in the mirror, who is actually just you, but with baby bangs. However! Ana de Armas, sprung fresh and free from the meaty paws of Ben Affleck, has bangs now.
Page Six informs me that in a video filmed for her friend Claudia Muma, de Armas has a short bob with little blunt bangs, and that there is no clear indication of when she got this haircut but it is safe-ish to assume that this is because of her breakup. New year, new Ana, new bangs that will be kind of a pain in the ass to style for a minute, and will suck to grow out!!
Page Six also informs me that this haircut has been around for a while (okay?) and that the legions of Ana de Armas stans have been speculating that this was a sign of things to come. She’s had the bangs for a minute, or she got them yesterday, who knows. Or, maybe she got them instead of actually telling Ben Affleck that they were breaking up, but just existed in their shared home with the bangs and the new haircut until he figured out that the bangs and bob are actually de Armas’s way of saying that it’s over. Maybe she got them in the beginning of January, and it took Affleck, that big ol’ lump of rump roast, about two weeks to figure it out. (Meanwhile, a person who looks sort of like Casey Affleck was spotted dumping a cardboard cutout of de Armas into the garbaggio. I get it!) [Page Six]
When the news first broke that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were getting a divorce, I rushed to the sisters group chat to share the news with my family, only to be brutally owned by my youngest sister, who made the point that until we hear it from Kim and Kanye’s mouth, we shouldn’t believe shit.
I regret to say that she is maybe, kind of, right? Anyway, that is the energy I’m bringing to this recent dribble of gossip, which says that Kanye and Kim both stopped going to marriage counseling and that Kanye “is talking to divorce lawyers.” Kim, naturally, has Laura Wasser on her side, and if this divorce ever materializes in full, I’m sure we will hear all about it.
I have nothing else to say about the Kardashian-Wests’ separation journey, but I do hope that when Kim and Kanye are finally free of each other, legally, Kim will find some of her old, pre-Kanye wardrobe and reintegrate it into whatever it is we want to call her current aesthetic. Again, I don’t make the rules, but if you’d let me, it would be Hervé Leger for Kim and nothing else!! [People]