An Evening Of Sex, Wine, And Balloon Animals

Want to know what the awesome winner of our Worst Pickup Lines contest received? The chance to party with balloon-animal pole-dancers, that’s what!

A friend and I also attended Planned Parenthood of NYC’s Summer, Sex, and Spirits event at the Museum of Sex last night, where we enjoyed squeezing Real Doll boobs (not bad, if a little too squishy), looking at 1920s “French postcard” porn (back then, naked ladies were so smiley), and examining an early condom that seemed like it probably prevented pregnancy by killing the woman (think hooked tip). We also enjoyed some tasty wine — but really, we were there for the balloon animals. They perched saucily on other guests’ heads: a mouth with lolling tongue, a penis with a spray of semen bubbles. Where could we get such a creation? Alas, no one seemed to know.

And so we watched some ponyplay videos, and looked at a chart dividing kinks into different categories (the strangest one: “love”), and drank some more wine, before we learned that balloon impresaria Mistress B was no longer on the premises. An obliging guest, however, did allow me to photograph her headdress. Ms. B had made her a balloon pole-dancer — a red-headed one, no less (Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert apparently didn’t heed Chris Rock’s advice). And while we never got to see Mistress B in action, “I’ll make you a pole-dancing balloon animal hat” seemed like a pretty good pickup line to us.