American Idol: Where The Talentless Get To Shine

American Idol returned for its ninth season last night—with Victoria Beckham as guest judge—giving people a shot at the American dream: appearing on TV for a few minutes, even if it involves humiliation and revelations of delusion.

Of course, there are people who try to ham up their auditions on purpose, hoping that the producers/editors will find them ridiculous enough to make the inevitable “weirdo” segments on the show’s first few episodes.

And there are those who purposely clash with the judges, with the goal that their footage will be used.

And then there are the people who belt out Mariah Carey songs in the shower or in front of their bedroom mirrors using a comb as a microphone—as many of us do—who’ve somehow developed a deluded confidence in their own inability to sing.