American Horror Story in Real Life: Creepy Clowns Stalk California Town

If you have coulrophobia, or even an aversion to clowns, you may not want to read this. Because there are a lot of clowns here and they’re all doing something strange in the town of Wasco, California: They’re wandering around late at night, clown-style.

Dressing up to wander the streets in clown makeup at night is, of course, not a crime in itself. But the people who are doing the dressing up must know that there are going to be some frightened townspeople, especially now that there’s a creepy clown who literally stabs people to death with scissors in BROAD DAYLIGHT WHEN ANYONE CAN SEE OH MY GOD on television.

If I were living in Wasco, I would move out immediately. Nothing good comes from clowns. Nothing good will ever come from clowns. And I stand firm on this. Stop taking pictures of the clowns, citizens of Wasco! They’re just lulling you into a false sense of comfort.

Update: The Wasco clown has an Instagram account and says that the late-night antics are a photo project between him and his wife (a likely story). Fortunately for nearby Bakersfield, an unidentified copycat is probably a legitimate evil monster.