Request granted. :-/ [E!, Twitter]

Haaaa, wait, this is fucked. I feel dirty. [D Listed]

While Kristen Stewart is allegedly embracing a new "fun, lighthearted" attitude for the sake of her relationship with Robert Pattinson, she may revert back to Level 5 mopedom after R-Patz's softcore Dior commercials hit the air, says a source who is almost certainly neither animal nor mineral. (I choose to believe that all sources are bored ghosts.)

K-Stew will be "livid," says the ghost, when she sees Rob shirtless and simulating a foursome with a bunch of models. Later, it continues, "Rob and [a model] are in a swimming pool making out and he's seen giving her a blow back with a cigarette at one stage, too." BREAK UP ALREADY. FUCK. [Life and Style Mag, Hollywood Life]

Gwyneth "I'm Just Like You Except For My Holistic Acupuncture Sessions With Diamond-Tipped Needles Made of Elvish Silver" Paltrow is a "bad mutha," according to Gwyneth Paltrow. Not, like "mother." Just like, "mutha." You know. The flavorful way!

Chris Martin, on the other hand, is not a bad mutha because he needs to cook to silence.

"He can't have background music on: it has to be 100 per cent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop - I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.

[The Standard UK]

I feel like the ratio of how much I write about Elton John is really disproportionate to how much you actually care about Elton John, but anyway, tally-ho! Blur included a song called "Elton John's Cock" on their box-set Blur 21 and it confused Elton John's actual cock, says Blur's bassist Alex James:

"I bumped into Sir Elton and he said, 'What's all this I hear about you and my c**k?' I didn't know him well enough to tell him the proper answer."
The 43-year-old musician claimed the track was given the name because it was ''too sentimental''.
He added to the Daily Star newspaper: "We wrote this song but realised it was too sentimental. One of us muttered, 'That's Elton John's cock.'"

[Contact Music]

• Paris Jackson has re-acquainted herself with her birth mom Debbie Rowe. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Paris's brother Prince is dating a (literal) Kuwaiti princess. [TMZ]
• RIP, Gucci, the Lohan family maltese. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan's friend, hotel magnate Vikram Chatwal, was arrested for smuggling a smorgasbord of pills, plus heroin, ketamine and weed, in the crotch of his pants. [NYDN]
• During breaks between filming Mad Men seasons, Christina Hendricks worked as a florist for shits and giggles and the love of flowers. [My Fashion Life]
• Macklemore and the cast of Pitch Perfect will perform at this year's MTV Awards. [MTV]
• Does Conan O'Brien have sort of a six pack?! [Us Weekly]
• Ryan Murphy's launching a new show called Open, to be co-written with a Dexter producer: "a modern, provocative exploration of human sexuality and relationships." [Deadline]
• Kate Middleton's friends keep texting her baby name suggestions. (She has her own "short list.") [Us Weekly]
• "I joke that I've been on a diet since 1974, and it's basically true." —Kim Cattrall. [Express]
• Roger Ebert's wife Chaz says that he smiled shortly before passing away. [People]
• When One Direction hangs out during down-time, they play Boggle and watch One Day. [TVNZ]
• Apparently Mike Tyson cameos in a 50 Shades of Grey spoof in Scary Movie 5. [Page Six]
• Warren Beatty = still a flirt. Wouldn't have it any other way. [Page Six]
• Lil Wayne stepped out for the first time since his hospitalization for seizures. [People]
• Bey and Jay are celebrating their fifth anniversary in Havana with their MOMS. [People]