Always Tip 20 Percent You Fucking Jerks

Perhaps you have seen the “viral” “tipping trick” circulating around the internet on this fine Monday and maybe you have clicked on it, hoping for actual insight. Buckle up, sonny boy, because I’ve got a surprise for you!

The “trick” in this blog is a nice way to short your server the money they deserve for bringing you an extra side of ranch for your french fries and responding to your stepmother’s icy sweet request for an entire saucer full of lemons for her tap water. Instead of tipping 20 percent, the video instructs, you could double the tax in a city like New York and get yourself to 18 percent, which is, I regret to inform you, not 20 percent. This “tipping trick” will save you money by giving the person working less money. Bad trick!

Just tip anyone who is providing any sort of service for you, from the person who waxes your nethers to the waiter at Olive Garden who has heeded your cries for breadsticks more times than you’d like to count.

Tip them 20 percent—do the math however you need to—and don’t be a fucking jerk.