All the Shiny, Elaborate, and Inflated Looks at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

All Images Getty
All Images Getty

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is the Met Gala of inflatable puppets. Some are beautiful, some are terrifying, some are shocking, but all are festively coming together on this one occasion to challenge conventional perceptions of what inflatable puppet fashion can be. Let’s check out some looks.

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Above, Charlie Brown seems to be wearing a puffer jacket. (The North Face? Perhaps. But it’s not called “gorpcore,” which is a made-up thing by people who don’t know what they’re talking about.) Regardless, I appreciate that he has accessorized with fishnet, an underrated textile.

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Interpretive, emotional, and minimalist, Little Cloud had the best look of the parade. While I don’t want to minimize her styling by equating her look with tasteful nudity, that’s a wisp of what’s going on here, and it’s impeccable.

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It’s so unfortunate that the Baby Dinos’ stylist, Sinclair Oil, didn’t liberate them from their diaper-egg skirts; a sleeker look would have better suited their reptilian ways, and conveyed the truly encroaching nature of big oil. As is, these ensembles say Put me back in the earth! A missed opportunity.

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A pop of color—but the hues are all wrong.

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I appreciate the dedication to a rustic Christmas look that Jojo, Bjorn, and Fleck have united for, though I might have adjusted their silhouettes a bit—sleeker knits, slightly more structured accessories. Great execution, however.

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Goku is serving xxxtreme fuckboy. Admire it from afar, but trust me, don’t go near it.

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Elf Pets think they’re so cute. I’ve got news for them... they are... but also somewhat grotesque.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are the OG hypebeasts, pay them respect. Still... they should lay off the Restylane, it’s starting to look unnatural.

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Here’s Rita Ora in a glossy Moncler puffer, which contrasts with Ronald McDonald’s punk-inspired tracksuit.

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The world’s boo Bad Bunny accessorized his yellow puffer and multicolored shirt with a Sour Patch Kids float, like the style innovator he is.

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Is it me, or is this Power Ranger kind of a tryhard?

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Spongebob Squarepants, in his first public appearance since rehab, is here and debuting a new tattoo.

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The Elf on the Shelf: It’s what’s for dinner.

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Pikachu went for a classic look, his go-to green choker and bright blush, the last vestige of who he was before he became a cop.

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This is the big fashion secret insiders are too afraid to talk about, but I will: Santa Claus desperately needs a new stylist. The red suit with the white trim is not only unflattering, but the fur element is just far too archaic and out of touch with the times, when mainstream designers are moving en masse to eliminate fur from their collections. Plus, the beard is too long: the look should be neatly groomed, close to the face, rather than “I just got off a Volkswagen bus after three months touring with Phish.” We’re almost in the second decade of the 21st century, and while some things are important to treasure from the 1960s—revolution, protest, miniskirts—it’s time to update the societal outsider look for the fight we have coming. Besides, there’s no way Santa doesn’t drink like 30 cups of coffee a day, and you know a drop or two of that shit is gonna spill on the white part of his suit, not to mention the whole chimney situation. The color scheme for his line of work is simply impractical.

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Olaf has got to fucking chill out, dude. It’s appalling.

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If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to 69 with the Pillsbury Doughboy, here is a photograph, courtesy of Getty Images.

Happy holidays!

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DISCUSSION

sorvex
Sorely Vexed

When I was a child, the Macy’s parade was a source of endless wonder. After ignoring it for the better part of an eon, I watched it again last year and it was little more than a protracted ad for various products, shows, and corporations. Was it always so, and my fond memories just the roseate imaginings of sugar-addled childhood , or did it gradually morph into this hellish pastiche of a pagan sacrifice to the god of avarice?

I think I need (another) drink.