Stand by for an unbrolievable bronouncement, bros — using a top secret (but chill, always totally chill) metric, I have open on my browser (bro-wser) this very minute, a list of the top 18 broverwhelmingly bro-friendly cities in the US. Up top!
According to real estate firm Estately, a city's bro-friendliness can be ascertained using a variety of factors — from famous brolumni to the presence of a college with NCAA ranked lacrosse teams to the cost of living (bros are used to the finer things, which they will drunkenly smash after losing a game of Flippy Cup). Throw it all together with some ice, put it in a big fuckin' cooler, and out of the spigot and into the red Solo cup of your brain comes the most brodelic places in this great country of ours.
[Side note: Despite the fact that despite certain recent efforts to define and quantify bro-dom, I'm not confident that "bro" has much time left before its ubiquity dooms it to the oblivion that comes with being overused by people who don't understand its nuances. Like "hipster." Yes, "bro" is endangered, but until it dies out and without further ado, here are the top ten most bro-friendly cities, followed by any anecdata I've personally gathered to support this prognosis. Prog-bro-sis? Okay, I'll stop.]
10. Durham, NC
I used to know a bro who wore UNC warm up pants to bed. And to class. Well, he wore them everywhere. Once he tore them off at a party. It was mildly amusing.
9. Austin, TX
Never been but the Austin season of The Real World sucked.
8. State College, PA
Remember when Joe Paterno was fired from being the coach of the Penn State football team and the bros got super sad/rioty?
7. Chicago, IL
Bro, I lived here for 6.5 years and the entire city north of North Ave, east of Ashland, and south of Irving is like a bro-playpen full of roommates who used to be frat bros at Indiana. It's like a menagerie of backwards Big 10 baseball caps and basketball shorts and those slide sandals. It's a nightmare (or, if you're me and you're 25, a dream).
6. Santa Barbara, CA
I know a bro who went to undergrad here and is now a doctor. If anyone needs a chillass anesthesiologist, I know a dude.
5. Tempe, AZ
Remember when The Daily Show called ASU "the Harvard of date rape"? That might be my favorite rape joke ever.
4. Boulder, CO
Drove through here once and it took a week to get the smell of pot out of my nose hairs.
3. Gainesville, FL
I dated a University of Florida frat bro for almost 3 years. This stereotype is accurate, at least for him and his totally nice but totally bro-tacular friends.
2. Columbus, OH
It would be a crime if the bro-iest city in the state that best lends itself to bro-puns wasn't on this list.
1. Fuckin' LA, bro!
The full list can be found here.
So did your city make the list? Do you have a case for or against your town's distinction as one of America's most bro-friendly places? Sound off.