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Alice Cooper and His Wife Have a Death Pact

Illustration for article titled Alice Cooper and His Wife Have a Death Pact
Image: Getty

Alice Cooper, a celebrity I mostly only know as teaching me Milwaukee facts in Wayne’s World, has a death pact with his wife, which is a totally okay thing to discuss in an interview.

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Cooper recently told The Mirror that he and wife Sheryl Goddard are “going to go together:”

“We’ve made a pact – there is no way of surviving without each other...I couldn’t live without her. We always said there will never be a time when one of us will be mourning the other.”

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Cooper just really, really likes his wife, okay: “He called Goddard, 61, “the greatest girl in the world,” and said, “‘You would think people would want to get away from the wives but she is my best friend. And there is no way of surviving without each other.’”

While some people may call a casually discussed death pact “unhealthy” or “inappropriate interview conversation,” I say everyone should get to wax romantic about their ideal goth death whenever they please. It’s not dead husband’s calcified heart in a purse-level romantic, but it’s fine as far as death aspirations go.

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DISCUSSION

I love almost everything about Alice Cooper, but I do hope this is something they wouldn't really do. Their kids don't need to lose them both at the same time, at the very least.

A much nicer romantic Alice Cooper story:

RuPaul used to have a talk show on VH1 forever ago, I have no idea what it was called. It had a segment they did when interviewing guests called “Shag or No Shag”, where they would put up photos of hot celebrities in the gender that attracts the current guest and ask them whether or not they would shag them.

Alice was on being interviewed and RuPaul showed him a bunch of pics, and Alice responded to each by saying who they were, giving anecdotes about times they met, complimenting various things about them, and then when asked, said “No Shag” each time. At the end, RuPaul got exasperated and said “You said No Shag to every single one of them!” and Alice responded, “You didn’t put up a picture of my wife!”