Al Gore Wins Nobel Peace Prize For Tireless Effort To Get You To Change Your Lightbulbs

Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work reminding everyone about global warming, on what is ironically the COLDEST DAY EVER. Actually, to be precise, he shared the prize with the U.N.’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, which has funded the research of the colossal stacks of research that made most people whose opinions you trust on this shit see global warming as less of an “interesting theory Y2K-with-a-dollop-of apocalyptic paranoia” type thing and more of a “Well yeah, that’s really happening” sort of thing. The Nobel puts Gore in a pretty distinguished cast of characters including Henry Kissinger, and nets him $1.5 million, half of which he is donating, the other half he is saving in a trust fund earmarked for future legal fees incurred by Al Gore III. Ha ha, I kid!

Gore’s win marks the second in a change of strategy for the Peace Prize people whereby they stop taking “peace” so goddamn literally and focus on people who are trying to create change that may actually be possible, like getting Americans to buy slightly more expensive light bulbs. But will it mark the end of all the obnoxious dudes I know still trying to convince me that climate change is not happening as a result of greenhouse gases; Gore’s got it all wrong, etc.? Also, will it actually get people to start changing their light bulbs? And if those light bulbs save so much energy can’t the country just make a law and ban the old ones already? Would that really lead us any further down the slippery slope towards totalitarianism?