Adam Rippon Won't Be an NBC Correspondent After All

Adam Rippon, the only bright light in a dark world, has broken my heart. Though it was reported earlier today that he would be joining NBC as an Olympic correspondent for the remainder of the Winter Games, it appears he has turned the job down. I learned this news as I watched two ice dancers perform to Ed Sheeran. Everything I love (i.e., just figure skating, which I learned about last week!) turns to ash.

On Sunday night, just hours after news broke about Rippon’s new gig, he tweeted that he would not take the job. Apparently it’s more important to him to “be there” for his “teammates” than to entertain me with commentator banter. FINE.

Also:

I can see why Rippon might want to ride out the rest of the games in the Olympic Sex Village, but I am still mad. Rippon is a National Icon, and I will not rest until we replace the current flag with this image:

This is your final Rippon dispatch for the night. Thank you for your attention.