Abortions Caused Oil Spill, Says Crazy "Minister" Guy

We thought the horrific Gulf of Mexico oil spill was caused by faulty oversight, corporate greed, and possibly porn. But according to one self-described “minister,” the true cause was abortion.

Joseph Herrin’s Parables blog calls him a “minister,” but his Amazon bio says he “has labored outside the walls of the church for many years.” His most recent Parables post proclaims that “What the Spirit of Christ revealed applies to the entire nation of America, though it was revealed through a parable taking place in the waters off of Houston.” Herrin, also the author of books like The Mark of the Beast and The Remnant Bride: Will You Be Chosen Or LEFT BEHIND?, explains,

It has been widely broadcast that the largest Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in the nation has been built in Houston, TX. This six story tall (six is the number of the flesh man [ed. what??]) abortion supercenter was opened in May, just a short time before the Deepwater Horizon oil disaster began.

Coincidence? Herrin thinks not! He notes that the city of 2.2 million also has other abortion clinics, and he has the screenshots from their websites to prove it. But lest we think that literal abortions alone could cause an oil spill, Herrin reminds us that figurative ones, too, are responsible:

The reason that the church has been aborting her offspring is the same as the reason that women abort their natural offspring. A woman who desires the pleasure of intimacy, but does not desire the pain, sacrifice and responsibility of child rearing will cast away the baby growing in her womb as if it were a piece of unwanted fetal tissue. The church likewise enjoys the intimacy of being wed to Christ, but she does not want to experience the pain, sacrifice and responsibility necessary to bring forth sons to maturity.

That is, Christianity today is too warm and fuzzy, and celebrity pastors like Joel Osteen have not been meting out the amount of brimstone necessary to keep the ocean from filling up with crude oil. Jimmy Buffett is also involved somehow. Oh, and 2008’s Hurricane Ike was also about baby-making. Herrin writes, “The message the Father was sending forth through the sign of these tropical storms is that at the end of this age it is time for the church to bring forth mature sons in His image.” He includes a helpful diagram:

“Rear” is a technical term. Herrin winds up his rant with a question for us all:

Unless the church embraces the pain of childbirth the creation will perish. Make no mistake, Yahweh will have His sons. The question remains, “Will you be one of them? Or will you be found in the pleasure loving harlot when her plagues are meted out to her?”

Given the choice between crazy nonsense and pleasure-loving harlotry (although do I have to be in the harlot?), I believe my answer is clear.