This charming gentleman was walking around the VIP area of the Bud Light Stage (not to be confused with the Pepsi Stage, the Samsung Stage, the Sprint Stage, etc) late on Sunday night of Lollapalooza, as tree leaves fluttered and rumors of another storm evacuation swirled and people crowded the backstage bars to drink up whatever free alcohol was left. My friends spotted him first, and while their eyes were still widening, I immediately hopped off the picnic bench for a quick little chat.

“Absolutely loving that shirt,” I said. “Very strong message.”

“Thanks!” he said enthusiastically.

“Where’d you get it?”

“Oh,” he said, “it’s the Melt Your Line Face, or, sorry, the Melt Your Face Line—they’ve got lots of stuff. They’ve got Steal Your Face, Rage Your Face, Melt Your Face—”

“—Fuck Your Face, Lick Your Face,” interjected his friend.

“Why,” I asked, “in particular, the rape one?”

He shrugged, seeming amped on life. It was sweaty out, we were standing in the spotlight of a glowing LOLLAPALOOZA 2015 balloon, and the tweak and throb of a cheap EDM set carried across the park. (I thought it was Bassnectar, but as I was crossing the Bud Light TM Crowd afterwards, a voice from the stage went, appropriately, “I’M NIGHTMARE!”)

Advertisement

“One last question,” I said. “Have you ever literally raped someone’s face?”

Fuck yeah,” hooted his friend, hopping around.

He shrugged again, smiling at me, his sweat stains creeping. “Guess you’re gonna have to find out for yourself,” he said.

Advertisement


Contact the author at jia@jezebel.com.