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A Goop-Approved Practitioner Pulled Energy Out Of Julianne Hough's Butt At Davos

The world’s elite and highly complicit convened at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland this week to discuss how they’re going to be Good Capitalists now, and Dancing with the Stars personality Julianne Hough was there too, getting energy pulled out of her butthole.

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Video has circulated of Hough screaming like a banshee undergoing an exorcism whilst receiving an energy treatment from Dr. John Amaral, a Goop-approved energy practitioner who is—predictably—featured in Gwyneth Paltrow’s new Netflix show, the Goop lab.

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“There’s always a huge dissipation of energy and a feeling of relief, release, freedom,” Amaral said in the viral video as Hough shrieked and convulsed. He hovered his hand down the length of her spine, resting at her buttocks before making a pulling motion. “Expression of emotion may happen when the system moves, when energy was stored and bound up in the muscles begins to dissipate.

He continued: “And if we’re really free to express and allow energy that’s been bound in our bodies to move through — this woman is like, an incredible dancer, actress, just, human being, and she has practiced just allowing things to move through. But even with that, things get bound up.” Hough moaned and twitched.

“Most people—especially in Davos, in this environment—wouldn’t make that sound,” Amaral said. “So, you know what? They would have physical pain, tension building up in the body. So we just made it easier for that energy to be liberated.”

The general reaction has largely been “what the actual fuck?” But Derek Hough, Julianne’s brother, valiantly came to her defense in the video’s Instagram comments, writing, “This stuff looks whacky and crazy but diving into it with the understanding of pure energy is a pretty wild experience. Maybe ahead of its time but worth an open mind.”

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Energy healing isn’t new, and many feel strongly about its more spiritual varieties, like Reiki. Where some see pure quackery—there’s no scientific evidence that Reiki or other types of energy healing are effective in reducing pain, anxiety, or depression—others see a pure relief. But given the moneyed audience, the Goop co-sign, and the drama of it all, it’s hard not to watch this video of Hough and, well, laugh. It’s literally a video of a doctor with Instagram clout pulling bad energy out of a Julianne Hough’s butt.

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I’ve seen similar theatrics as preachers tap the foreheads of their congregation, who proceed to speak in tounges and pass out, overwhelmed by the power of the Lord, only to conveniently come to—dust off their skirts, retrieve their big church hat—right before the main sermon begins. This feels like the Hollywood, green juice version, with a lot less God and a lot more mindfulness.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

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chocolate covered raisons d'être

I do a form of energy therapy, too. However, I use an array of scientifically designed implements of various lengths and girth that I rhymically insert and rotate to stimulate deep wells of pent up energy and creativity. For more advanced clients, I have vibrating devices that pulse in sync with the many cosmic frequencies we are all immersed in.

Contact me for a price list. Essential body oils at additional charge. I can bring my own boombox.