The holidays can be tricky. You’re more or less obligated to give gifts to people who consider themselves your loved ones, but what if you don’t really like them all that much? Or if they’ve been super annoying lately? Good thing there’s a way for you to fulfill your gift-giving duties while shading all the obnoxious people in your life with gifts that say: you should be better.
Blue Apron is a service that delivers all the ingredients you need for a delicious meal along with instructions on how exactly to make that happen. They only send you exactly what you need, so you could just throw everything into a pot and it would probably still turn out fine. It also discourages all those “home chefs” from trying to put their own spin on things.
What it conveys: You cannot cook and I don’t want to nearly starve to death every time I come to your house for dinner.
- $9.99 per person per meal at BlueApron.com
This pair of novelty sweatpants are excellent because they provide the double whammy of the words “cheat day” emblazoned on the side of a pair of drawstring cotton blend pants, which really lets the world know that the wearer has given up, at least for today. This would be great for a friend who isn’t even on a diet—the suggestion being that their entire life is one big, casually-dressed cheat day.
What it conveys: LOL good luck with that New Year’s resolution.
- Cheat Day Sweatpants $89 at ShopPrivateParty.com
A Holy Bible will get your message across loud and clear: Yes, you are a heathen. Plus, what is anyone going to say if you give them a Bible? They can’t possibly get upset because Jesus might hear. Make sure you pick one of the giant Bibles. Seriously, the bigger, the better.
What it conveys: You’re probably going to hell.
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