A Freezing Office Might Help You Lose Weight? SO NOT WORTH IT.

Toes: Cold. Fingers: Numb. Body: Shivering. It’s polar vortex time in the workplace. And guess what? You’re burning calories.

This NBC News item points to a study by Dutch endocrinologists:

The theory goes like this: Weight is determined by energy intake (the calories you consume) and energy output (the calories you burn). The authors of this new paper hypothesize that setting the thermostat to a cooler temperature will make our bodies work harder to warm themselves – which means more calories burned.

Except NO. Nope. Not worth it. Of course not. Because…

1. Being cold will not create instant weight loss! You will just be cold. “Keeping the thermostat turned low is not the solution to the problem of obesity – because there is, of course, no single answer, says Dr. W. D. van Marken Lichtenbelt, lead author of the paper.”

2. Cold sucks and a cold work environment is the worst: You (usually) can’t control the temperature, you’re not at home where you have a comforter/thick sweatshirt and you can’t just leave. Meanwhile you’re trying to focus but feel like you’re typing from a desk situated on an iceberg.

3. HELL IS NOT HOT IT IS COLD, who the fuck cares how many calories it burns? Maybe back in the day before central heat people were thinner but they were also shorter and had polio and died from paper cuts and whatnot. In any case if we are warmer now and yet fatter, bring on the XXL hoodies. BEING COLD IS HORRIBLE.