Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

A Bachelorette-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

Images via Shutterstock, Photographee.eu, wavebreakmedia
Images via Shutterstock, Photographee.eu, wavebreakmedia

Seeing as how it’s Tuesday and my life is now such that my mind is still racing with thoughts from last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, I’d like to tickle everyone’s fancy with a very stupid conversation. This morning, I hit up my dear friend Kate Dries, because who else am I obligated to share my every inane thought and opinion with? Today’s conundrum centered around the ever eternal debate: Trainer or Chiropractor?

Advertisement

Let me explain. Some of the standouts so far on this season of The Bachelorette—both in my opinion and based off the editing—are Peter, Eric and Bryan. Peter and Eric are both personal trainers and Bryan is a chiropractor. When faced with the option the marrying one or the other—with all other factors being equal—I naturally chose the chiropractor.

Images via ABC
Images via ABC
Advertisement

Here’s my logic: I’m just thinking practically here! Chiropractors make more money on average. They’re medical-adjacent and they probably have health insurance. Also, they can keep being a chiropractor even if they let themselves go or just aren’t really into “abs” anymore. Lastly, they are much less likely to have an obnoxious Instagram account.

Kate did not agree. Sort of.

Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

Apparently, chiropractors do not have the medical legitimacy Kate requires in a suitor. Unhappy with this answer, I needed to poll a larger audience. So I decided to distract and waste my coworkers’ time with this discussion.

By far, Aimée has the most compelling counter to my choice.

Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?
Advertisement
Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

Luckily, Madeleine came in strong in the paint with the same logic I’ve been employing.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

OK, so here is my issue: Everyone is focused on what the trainer or chiropractor can do for you in regards to their chosen profession. I’m just thinking about my comfort level and what they can provide for me generally. However, that is not the discussion anyone wanted to have.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

We seem to have a lot of chiropractor truthers here at the Jezebel headquarters! However, when you think about it, is personal fitness training really more or less legitimate than whatever chiropractors do? As far as I’m concerned, they’re about about as real and helpful as the individual providing the service. If that’s the case, then why not go with the one who won’t be all sweaty when you meet them for lunch and who won’t care how many carbs are in your Shake Shack burger??!!

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

As you can see, we were getting nowhere. That’s when our fearless and endlessly wise leader stepped in and led.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?

ALRIGHT LET’S DO THIS.

Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?
Advertisement

I am loving the lighting in these pics! What a tranquil-looking profession.

Illustration for article titled A iBachelorette/i-Inspired Poll: Would You Rather Marry a Trainer or a Chiropractor?
Advertisement

The consensus was that we did not love the megaphone action from the trainers but the chiropractors weren’t exactly as sexy as one would like.

We didn’t come to a total agreement but that’s alright. We are all grown, independent ladies who can make our own decisions about which man or woman with the ability to manipulate the human body we would prefer to share our beds with. But also, you should definitely marry the chiropractor.

Advertisement

Senior Writer, Jezebel

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

karabrown
Kara Brown

Just to be clear, when all things are not equal: I’d obviously marry Peter and never let him out of my sight.