8th Grade Football Team to Hold Party at Hooters Breastaurant

Oregon’s Corbett Middle School football team will hold a party at Hooters despite protests from some parents, faculty members, and a whole fleet of therapists who will be helping the children in the future.

This extremely well-thought-out idea comes from Randy Burbach, the head coach of the 7th and 8th grade football team. The school’s athletic director, J.P. Soulagnet, sent a letter to players’ families, attempting to explain Burbach’s bizarre decision/cover his ass and the ass of the school.

“I spoke with Randy Burbach this evening and asked him to move the event to a different venue,” Soulagnet said in the letter. “He was unyielding and emphatically said no for a number of reasons. As a school district and athletic department, we do not support nor condone the decision to hold an end of season celebration at Hooter’s for any of our teams.”

Soulagnet said the party was no longer considered a school event. One football player’s family so far has said they will not attend the party at Hooter’s, which bills itself as “delightfully tacky yet unrefined” and is known for the skimpy attire worn by its waitstaff.

“Some might say that this restaurant objectifies women. I would tend to agree,” Soulagnet said. “It is not a restaurant that I would feel good about my wife or daughter working at. I think it sends the wrong message to our young men and that saddens and worries me the most.”

Well, you know how the song goes. I believe the children are our future — take the boys to Hooters and let them eat their wings. Give them unlimited tater tots and breast-essesssss.

Okay, I apologize for the above, but two things: 1. I love song; and 2. This is obviously an aggressive act from a scorned man whose contract isn’t being renewed — he did this knowing it would piss people off. Mission accomplished? Enjoy the fried pickles, kids!