There’s a misguided notion that by the time a woman hits her 72nd birthday, the only thing she’s really good for is shuffling around in an old pair of slippers, forcefully showing off pictures of the grandkids and maybe firing off the odd batch of brownies here and there.
Not Mrs. Newby. While most of her peers were probably dozing off in front of cable news, Mrs. Newby was savagely butchering nearly a dozen copperhead snakes outside her home in Oklahoma. Her weapons of choice were a shovel, a rake and a mothafuckin’ shotgun.*
Mrs. Newby’s neighbor, Susan Thompson, witnessed the massacre firsthand and immediately took to Facebook to brag on her behalf:
“Mrs Newby killed 11 copperheads last night at her house! She’s a snake killer if you need help call her! She is 72 years old!” Thompson wrote, adding that the septuagenarian serpent slayer hung around with her arsenal for the next couple of days, eventually laying waste to a total of 17 snakes.
Both posts were taken down not long after, maybe because while Mrs. Newby is totally fine savaging her own snakes, she’s not some common laborer who’s just going to travel around half the country solving all your problems for you.
WTVD reports that Mrs. Newby only annihilated the copperheads after discovering a tangle of them under her home. Copperheads are not only venomous, but also more than willing to bite, which makes them a particular type of pest I probably wouldn’t want lying in wait under my house, either.
*Disclaimer: Guns are entirely bad and should be illegal, unless the gun in question belongs to Mrs. Newby and is only used for snake murdering. Those are the rules.
DISCUSSION
answer: she’s a bad bitch.