69 Things More Erotic Than The Sydney Leathers Porn Video
LatestHave you seen the Sydney Leathers porn video yet? I have. And it’s only a matter of time before you succumb to your curiosity, too. Just so you’re prepared, here are 69 things more erotic than Sydney Leathers on a couch that isn’t hers, talking about Anthony Weiner and fiddling around with her vagina on camera. Just in case you want to get your rocks off in a more efficient fashion.
1. Broken glass
2. Dan Rather
3. Ramen burgers
4. Half deflated bouncy castles
5. Pork. The word “pork.”
6. That book of tags that H&M sews into the back of all of their underwear that you need a stitch ripper to remove.
7. Chipped nail polish
8. Getting shocked by static electricity every damn time you try to press the elevator button
9. Carrying a bag of garbage down the stairs
10. Sub-crispy apples
11. The fear of calling out the wrong name during sex
12. Turning 30
13. The character of Fredo from The Godfather
14. Getting on a treadmill at the gym and noticing that whoever was on it before dripped salty sweat all over the control panel
15. Banana pudding
16. Not knowing how to pronounce the name of a wine but trying, and then the waiter corrects you and you try to laugh it off but no one else laughs
17. Running into a college classmate and he’s already bald
18. Tiny ants
19. Doll collections owned by adults
20. Black lipstick
21. Belly button rings on men
22. Whimsical face tattoos
23. Getting a block away from your apartment and realizing that you forgot your iPod and considering whether or not it’s worth it to go all the way back and get your iPod
24. Wedge Crocs
25. An Ed Hardy tee shirt used as a grease rag in a garage that serves as a front for a small time pot dealer
26. Going to use the bathroom at work. Pube on floor.
27. Getting measured for a bra
28. A manicurist with a chip on her shoulder
29. Sydney Pleathers, topical drag queen
30. Yogurt 2 days past its expiration date
31. Swimming in a lake and feeling a weed brush your leg right as you’re thinking about eels
32. North Dakota
33. Your prom dress
34. Tears
35. Broken sandals
36. Season 3 of Veronica Mars
37. Underboob chafing. Distance runners know what I’m talking about. 🙁
38. A steakhouse with a racist name
39. Remember how around Y2K it was trendy for a hot second for women to wear super, super low rise jeans and display their bedazzled thongs over the top? That.
40. The New York Times website making you log on a million times
41. The DMV
42. The guy I saw on the train this morning who had one eyeball that was — I swear I’m not kidding — completely black and opaque.
43. Frogs born with more than one face
44. The phrase “I know you are but what am I?”
45. Lambchop’s Play Along
46. “What are we?”
47. The yellow AOL Instant Messenger dude
48. Medical supply stores
49. Puppeteers
50. Boredom
51. Guys named Scott
52. Charlie horses
53. Being out to dinner with two friends and all they want to talk about is a show that you don’t watch
54. Pot that just makes you want to go to sleep
55. Mild stress dreams about cronuts
56. The knowledge that you’ll never get a Scholastic Book Order handed to you at the end of the day again
57. Home Depot
58. Johnny Depp offering to buy Wounded Knee or some shit
59. The last sext you sent, read aloud by Kermit the Frog
60. The number “69”
61. Redneck reality TV
62. A locksmith who hasn’t told his wife about how much he’s dreading this cruise
63. A giant stack of old issues of Popular Mechanics
64. PedEgg ads
65. A coworker instagramming a chat on his computer screen right this second as I’m typing this.
66. The Spam folder
67. Bad stand up comedy
68. Airplane small talk
69. This morning my cat was running around and kind of meowing and my roommate was like, hey, I think your cat has a dingleberry. And, sure enough, my cat had a piece of poop stuck to her. So I had to use toilet paper and relieve my cat’s ass of the shit that was stuck to it. That happens to her sometimes — dingleberries — because she doesn’t have a tail and it’s hard for her to poop. This entire item about my cat pooping is sexier than the Sydney Leathers porn video.
So, yeah. Go ahead and watch it (obviously, obviously NSFW) if you’ve got time to kill. Or just watch reruns of Teen Mom until you climax. Whatever blows your skirt up.
[h/t TMZ]