Because we all haven't heard enough about Amanda Bynes' exploits behind the wheel, she apparently drove around aimlessly around Los Angeles for most of Tuesday, cutting people off and running lights, while taking hits of weed from a surreptitious pipe designed to look like a car cigarette lighter.
In the way of most epic quests (see: Lord of the Rings, The Neverending Story, the Bible), Bynes began her adventure at Baja Fresh in the Valley, where she smoked weed in the parking lot and ate tacos. Then she went to a spa, and then she drove around more, and then she ended up smoking more weed in the parking lot of a Home Depot. AND SO ON, AND SO FORTH.
Of course, this is not only illegal, but super-duper illegal, because Bynes' license was suspended on August 25th for her April DUI and two alleged hit-and-runs. Click through to look at the photos of her smoking out of the pipe and also see her messy car if you feel so inclined. [TMZ]
According to a dubious "source close to Jennifer Aniston," as Old Unlucky-In-Love Fishwife Crones are wont to do, now that she's finally landed a man she wants to get pregnant immediately. It's no secret, says the source, that she wanted a baby "yesterday." "She's been joking that in a perfect world it will happen on the wedding night." But honestly, the source adds, she will be psyched whenever her womb is filled with child. Her bare, empty, fishwife womb that looks like Grandmother Willow in Pocahontas. [Exposay]
Zachary Quinto, who came out as gay last year, covers the October issue of Out Magazine, in which he goes public about his relationship with Jonathan Groff, but keeps it classy, saying simply: "I'm incredibly happy, I'm incredibly lucky." D'aww. (During the interview, it is also oddly noted that Quinto "conspicuously avoids the bread.") [Out Magazine]
Two weeks ago, Doug Hutchison gave Courtney Stodden a dog named Dourtney Stodden, and now Dourtney Stodden is dying; apparently the poor thing was given to her with pneumonia. This illustrates two things:
A) Why it's dumb to spend a zillion dollars on a designer dog because breeders are dubious as fuck about pet's health, and it's actually better to get a rescue dog for those reasons as well as the primary reason that you won't, you know, go to hell.
B) The inevitable medical repercussions of something with a soul being named "Dourtney."
But things seem to be looking up:
Rather touchingly, DMX opened up and cried about his rocky relationship with his mother on RapFix Live:
"As a grown man, with children of my own, as a grown man, I just wanted to be able say the word: 'mommy.' Any man, it doesn't matter how hard, how tough you are, you need to be someone's baby," he said. "That's necessary, and anyone who thinks other than that, they're fooling themselves. I just wanted to use that word genuinely. I just wanted to be able to say, 'Mommy, I love you.'"
DMX, PLEASE RESCUE DOURTNEY FROM THEM. [MTV News]
- Angelina Jolie visited Syrian refugees in Turkey and they were like, "No but seriously what the fuck was up with that necklace vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood." [Miami Herald]
- Michael Madsen got a DUI. [TMZ]
- Bill Maher's gonna play himself on The Good Wife. [THR]
- Selma Blair and her boyfriend split up, 14 months after the birth of their son. [Daily Mail]
- Jennifer Lawrence almost said no to The Hunger Games in order to preserve her indie cred. [HuffPo]
- Jessica Simpson is facing some heat for displaying her baby girl in a bikini. [US Weekly]
- Beetlejuice 2 might be happening, says Winona Ryder. [MTV News]
- Demi Lovato slammed tabloids for positing that K8 Middleton was pregnant due to an extended waistline. [Daily Mail]
- "Very important: We require you to empty the minibars of all alcohol," reads a hotel rider for the rehab vet, 30. "And no gifts of wine or any other alcoholic beverages, please." —Britney Spears' team, prepping the X-Factor premises for Brit-Brit's arrival. [Us Weekly]
- Nick Lachay and Vanessa Minnillo's kid popped out. His name's Camden John. [People]
- Adriana Lima's kid popped out. Her name's Sienna. [People]
- Actress Sara Rue is pregnant. [Us Weekly]
- Jay Pharoah's taking over the Obama impersonation gig at SNL. Sorry, Fred Armisen. [NYDN]
- At New York Fashion Week earlier in the evening that saw her accidental topless Twitpic, "[Alison Pill] was yelling and telling everyone she was ‘farting' every time she moved." Meanwhile, her friend Anna Chlumsky lit a loose cigarette from her bag and said calmly: "She's fine." Hey, guys, can I go out drinking with you? [Page Six]
- Yup, Heidi Klum's going out with her bodyguard, but she says she certainly didn't cheat on Seal with him. [LA Times]
- Monica Lewinsky is shopping around a top-secret book. I, personally, cannot wait. [Page Six]
- Ryan "Jeah" Lochte is still single. Get on that. [Page Six]