Mother of Ronaldo's Child Wants To See Her Son

Portuguese soccer player/world famous injury-faker/occasional Kardashian dater Cristiano Ronaldo has a son with an anonymous British woman who now wants to return the more-than $15 million the athlete paid her in exchange for promising to never contact the boy. Yikes.

Ronaldo caused a stir earlier this year when he (or his eyebrows; it’s hard to tell if it’s him or his precision eyebrows talking) announced that he had an infant son with a penniless waitress. Ronaldo’s family reportedly paid the woman about $15 million, and, in exchange, the woman agreed to give the child’s father full custody and to forgo any relationship with the child. It’s simply amazing that the brilliant plan backfired!

The child’s mother is reportedly calling Ronaldo at all hours, pleading with him to see her child and offering to return the money, and, according to a British tabloid, the agreement she signed forbids her from telling anyone, even her family members, that she is the child’s mother. Wait, what? Do such contracts exist? And how did her family not know that she was pregnant? And didn’t she tell them before she signed a contract? Never have I ever read a story that contains so many nonsensical elements.